Dear Idaho, part 2

Dear Idaho,

Today is a big day for you. I know it may not seem like it right now, but it's a really, really good day for you, too. I know you feel bullied and victimized by those of us who don't join in your rallying cry of "One woman! One man!" I know you're scared that the values you hold dear are falling by the wayside as we twirl our way to freedom. Shh. I know.

To borrow a great line from a neat guy: It gets better.

It's really going to be okay. And instead of being okay for just some Idahoans, now it's going to be a little more okay for all Idahoans.

Listen: Gay people are getting married all over the country. They're getting married in lots of other countries, too. No heterosexual married couples have imploded. It's not ruining our families or our country. Why would gay marriage possibly be a threat? Why would it be any more threatening for two same sex people to say, "Hey, we love each other, and we want to make a giant, public commitment to that effect in front of our families and friends?" than it is when opposite sex people do it? I'll tell you what's a threat to marriage: Boredom. Familiarity. Disrespect. Violence. Drug abuse. Pictionary. Eating the entire box of Thin Mints before your partner even gets one.

Idaho, you love families. You love love. You love parties. You love presents. You even love those horrible, chalky little pillow mints people often have at weddings. And I'm pretty confident that you love being right, and embracing freedom, and flipping the goddamn double bird to anybody who tries to tell you what to do. This is a big win for you. Come on, let's celebrate.

TV time

I don't watch a lot of television these days. I'm pretty behind on most everything except Sherlock, I'm only caught up there because there's only three episodes per series.

Recently, the spouse and I got a streaming plan so we can watch more than Idaho Public Television and NBC. I know everyone else got a streaming plan around 10 years ago. Shut up. At least we got there, right? Anyway, we got this streaming plan, and now we have a whole bunch of available television and movies that I haven't seen because of being about 6 years behind on television as a whole, so that's very exciting. I can catch up on Oscar winners and horror movies and all things Attenborough (minor aside: I have a crush on David Attenborough's voice. Just the voice.). So what, you may ask, am I watching? What indeed:

How I'm destroying my brain sans chemicals

Am I a better person for watching this? Oh, no. Is it improving my mind? Hell, no. It is improving my mood, though. Also it makes me a little sad that I never saw Dawson's Creek.  It's a little better than cotton candy and a little worse than chocolate milk for your brain. It's like zucchini bread: it sounds healthy, but it's basically just cake. But there's only two seasons, so I'll probably have a chance to bounce back from it before next semester begins.

On exams, guilt, and plumbing

Let's see here...

The good:
I still have finals this semester, but I've finished my HESIs. The HESI (Health Education Systems, Inc.) exams are standardized tests that my program requires each semester. The ones we take are specialized exams for a particular subject: this semester we did maternity/pediatrics and our medical/surgical exams. The med/surg exam is supposed to highly correlate to the scoring on the NCLEX board exam we have to take for licensure, and it is also sort of my worst subject, so I spent the two weeks prior to the exam making myself physically sick with anxiety. In between bouts of panic, I studied for it. And now all is well! I did well on both exams, and in fact pretty much  aced the med/surg exam, surprisingly enough. So on the one hand, yay for me! But on the other hand, I used up all the fucks I had to give on the HESIs, so now I'm having a hard time getting myself motivated to study for the actual final exams.

The bad:
There's no bad! I had to get a plumber out here to fix my backed-up sinks, but they came! It's done! (Thanks, Caleb and Phillip at Viking Sewer and Drain!) I even got a new faucet out of the deal, so it's all rainbows and kittens except for the bill. I've got to get a new washing machine, as ours is slowly making its way to to the great appliance store in the sky, but that will be managed before the end of summer. 

The ugly:
It's two about three weeks before I start my internship, and I could not be more excited. This program is going to be fantastic for me: great experience, hands-on learning, and I even get paid! It's wildly thrilling and humbling to have been accepted, and I know it's going to be career-making for me, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm making my way at the expense of my kid. She'll be full-time at her day care starting this summer, since I'll be full-time at my internship. She loves her "school" and is getting so much out of her time there, but I can't quite shake the feeling that I should be at home with her all the time, planning outings and putting together crafts from Pinterest and basically being a combination of Mary Poppins and June Cleaver. I feel like a total dick about this, because it's such a non-issue. I feel guilty for making a choice to work outside instead of making her my work. I feel guilty for having her spend so much time with other people when her childhood is so short, because I should be grabbing every moment and enjoying every second I have with her. But the honest truth of the matter is that I enjoy my time with her more when there's less of it.

I've spent the first 3 years of her life home with her. It's been invaluable for both of us, and if I could do it over again, I absolutely would. But I can't say that I enjoyed my time as a full-time housewife/mom. It actually sucked. Well, that's not true. I had a lot of fun here and there, but overall it's not an area where I excelled. I like the cooking part. I hate the cleaning part. I don't want to spend all day doing laundry. The few times I managed to have an entirely clean house were a whole lot less satisfying than I think they should have been, considering the effort I had to put in to get there, and then about 20 minutes later you'd be hard-pressed to believe I'd done anything. It was exhausting. I felt cranky and overworked, overwhelmed and under appreciated. If I'd had a boss, I would have been fired. Instead, I just felt like a failure. Isn't staying home full-time what you do when you have kids? Isn't it was I'm supposed to want? I don't want it. What kind of mom does that make me?

Honestly, I think it probably makes me pretty normal. And there is a part of me that thinks my family will be better served long-term by seeing me do something I love, making a difference in our community, and being an example of a leader and a strong, intelligent woman than they would be watching me swear while I circle impotently round and round the house trying to sweep up all the dog hair. I know that there are parents who don't have the support I've had. People who aren't able to make the choices I'm making, and who may wish the biggest problem they had was some ludicrous guilt they pile onto themselves. But there you have it.

Halfway through

Hello again. I'm sorry to say I had forgotten all about this blog during my last year and a half in nursing school. Here's a quick recap:

blur blur blur blur blur something about vital signs blur blur birthdays blur blur blur <this scene deleted> aaaaaannnd, now it's Thursday.

I've got to run do homework & study, but now that I've remembered that I'm supposed to be blogging my nursing experience, I will definitely add that to my schedule. And I'll post a real recap to the best of my recollection.

If anybody is still reading this: thanks for your patience, y'all.

Dear Netflix

Update: Earlier today, Netflix responded to my email. Just a canned response, but better than nothing, I think. The response is just at the end of the page.


Dear Netflix,

My husband and I have been enjoying your service for several years now. I was very surprised to read today that not only has Netflix been supporting Rush Limbaugh's show for some time, your company continues to support him even now. I'm certain you are aware of Limbaugh's statements regarding Sandra Fluke, specifically calling her a "slut" and a "prostitute" and suggesting that she should videotape her sexual encounters for Limbaugh to watch since he is "paying her to have sex."

I know Rush Limbaugh is in the entertainment field, and generally I agree that he's best left ignored. However, this latest rant is over the top even for him. It was an egregious and horrific attack on a young woman who is trying to stand up for all women and help ensure that our health needs are taken care of. Rush's comments are taken quite seriously by a significant portion of his listeners. Even if they were not, I believe his slurs in this instance should be considered the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. This man certainly has the right to his own opinion and should be allowed to say whatever he wants to say, but he should understand there are consequences to his actions. And there should be consequences to his actions.

Netflix, I feel it's time to let Rush Limbaugh know he's gone too far. Please, help your subscribers send a message to Rush Limbaugh by pulling your advertising from his venom-spewing program. Don't support hate.

Love,

Rebecca

Netflix response:

Netflix has not and does not purchase advertising on the Rush Limbaugh show. We do buy network radio advertising and have confirmed that two Netflix spots were picked up in error as part of local news breaks during the Rush Limbaugh show. We have instructed our advertising agency to make sure that this error will not happen again.

Lent

I'm not a Catholic these days, but I used to be one and I think they do a bang-up job most of the time. So, in the spirit of the Lenten season, I like to give something up. It's a good chance to give a little punch in the pants to whatever you've resolved to do from New Year's, too. Sometimes I give up something tangible, like coffee (bad idea), and sometimes it's just a notion of sorts--like giving up telling stupid people to fuck off.

A few years ago, I decided to give up trying to change people. It was my New Year's resolution, too. I also wished for it on stars, birthday candles (mine and other people's), lucky pennies, eyelashes, you name it. I figured I could use the help. It's still a conscious effort most of the time. I figure it's all part of being a better person, and I do want to be a better person. So, ultimately it's selfish. I'm not doing it for you!

I find that most of my run-ins and irritations with the folks I interact with stem from my desire for them to either a) stop doing something I don't like, but totally expect them to do, b) start doing something I do like, but is completely out of their character to do, or c) quit saying/doing something I don't like, didn't expect, and can't tolerate. C is pretty uncommon.

It's hard for me to completely accept people for who they are. I want everyone to be honest, to be respectful, to be kind to each other, but that doesn't always happen. If I can accept that the people in my life will continue doing A and B, because that's who they are, I'm less angry 2/3rds of the time. I feel better, people feel accepted, and I have all that unused anger to really focus on the people doing C.

Dear Idaho

Hi there.

I don't know who I'm more disappointed with, Idaho, the voters, or the lawmakers.

I'm not going to go on about Republican vs Democrat or conservative vs liberal or what have you. In the first place, if my dad ever saw it he would lose his shit completely if I didn't come down somewhere to the right of Attila the Hun on most issues, and I love my dad. I don't want to see him lose the shit he has left. In the second place, I'm not entirely sure that I stand firmly enough on one side or the other to start sending out shockwaves. Most importantly is that I'm talking about issues that really come down to right vs. wrong.

I know we all have our gray areas, but there are some things we should pretty much be on board with. I've got friends who love babies: all babies, all the time, that's their motto. Babies in theaters, babies in restaurants, any time of the day or night is a-ok with them. I have friends who are somewhat less enthusiastic about babies and would like to ignore the issue (nudge, nudge). I don't know a single person, though, who would be wholeheartedly in favor of setting babies on fire. As a general rule, anyway. For example. So what I'm saying is there are some things we can just agree on, despite the weave of our particular moral fabric.

That said, what's going on with Idaho? Remember back in the 90s when everybody knew Idaho as that state with the potatoes and white supremacists? Oh yeah, they'd say, Idaho: Aryan Nation, right? And potatoes? Trust me, they said this. I went to college in Texas--not the bluest of states--and this is what they knew about Idaho. And these people were not lining up to pat us on the back. Well, they were universally in favor of the potatoes, but the supremacy thing was not going over well even there. So, the powers that be in ID realized that Idaho was going to have to downplay the racism thing, if for no other reason than to retain tourism money. And what did we get? "Idaho is too great for hate!" The Anne Frank Human Rights Memorial. And a whole lotta not much else. Flash forward 15 years, and Idaho lawmakers can't be bothered to include the terms "sexual orientation" and "gender identity" to the state's civil rights and human rights acts?

I know there are a lot of people, many in Idaho, who are more or less uncomfortable with gay folks, but I never would have dreamed that our elected officials would think it's okay to be so openly hostile to them. I mean, this isn't a question of whether or not you think gay marriage should be legal or if being gay is a choice. This is about whether its okay to fire somebody because they're gay, or if it's alright with you for a landlord to refuse to rent to someone because they're transgender. I'd think people in politics would be all about lip service to equality these days, even if they're mentally stuck in the 1950s.

So, I guess I know the answer to my question after all. These lawmakers are an embarrassment, but they know their politics. They're speaking for the people who voted them in. I'm disappointed in you, Idaho voters. I'm disappointed that you think it's okay these people are representing you. I want to know why our human rights umbrella isn't big enough to cover everyone. You might not be crazy about the LGBTQ community, but I'm pretty sure everyone involved is still human. I guess Idaho isn't too great to hate, just great enough to pretend it doesn't.

What's so great about that?

Dear Blogosphere

Hi there.

I've been sitting on this blog for a while now, trying to justify its existence. I like blogs, but at the same time they strike me as overwhelmingly narcissistic. I mean, who am I to expect anyone else to read what I sit down and write just because I sit down and write it? What makes my thoughts so interesting that I should have a public forum in which to air them? If I had something profound or unique to share, that would be something. But I don't, really. I don't have any real reason for writing a blog.

Fortunately, I've seen enough of what's out there to realize now that I don't need a real reason for writing a blog.

So, here comes my blog. Watch this space. Thanks.

Love,

Rebecca